The Weekly Round Up

Some news stories from the Profound to the Profane

1. DEEP THROAT DIES

Mark Felt, second in command of the FBI in the 1970s, was "Deep Throat", the mysterious figure who aided Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in their investigation of the Watergate break-in. His "follow the money" became a mantra and is still in use some 30 years later. His belief that the constitution should trump all made him a beacon, albeit unknown, to millions of Americans. it is difficult to comprehend the effect that Felt had on politics. "Deep Throat" made it cool to be an informant. And he looked like Hal Holbrook! We hardly knew ya, Mr. Felt, but we will miss you.

2. DOCK ELLIS DIES

Dock Ellis, the former NY Met, who threw a no-hitter while with the Pittsburgh Pirates while he was high on LSD has died at 63. How did he throw such a no-hitter when under the influence of drugs? He said during an interview that the catcher's glove was right there and he just dropped the ball right in.

Mets bullpen, take note!

3. ED AND TOM SHIRCEL

WTF are these guys?

Well, these guys are brothers, 57 and 52, who have combined for 10 perfect games (in bowling, for those of you who do not know). What makes 'em special this week?

They rolled them together -Yep, during the same game and for the same team.

The odds of such a thing happening? Well, according to Ed " a million to one?"

Our staff of mathematicians has come up with another number: 500 million to one!

4. THE ABSOLUTELY MOST HEARTBREAKING STORY OF THE WEEK

Corporate megalo-mart Wal-Mart comes to the rescue after evil corporation Stop and Shop dashes a childhood dream of a perfect birthday party.

Yes, I am talking about Stop and Shop's refusal to personalize a cake for little Adolph Hitler Campbell.

What is this world coming to?

I mean the parents are evil dunces - but is that reason to punish the kids?

Wal-Mart, trying to restore its beleaguered image after it allowed a worker in my area to be trampled to death on Black Friday, stepped right up to the plate and said that they had no problem with writing the name of the worst killer in the history of mankind on a birthday cake.

Where would we be without Wal-Mart!

I mean, where are these obviously loving parents going to go when Adolph's little sister, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, turns two in a few months.

The Running Man

As many of you know from my companion blog (which is in dire need of a chapter 2) The Weight Loss Chronicles (http://holysmokesweightloss.blogspot.com/) I became a runner.

Well, I ran my first race, the Inwood 5k, and much to my surprise a photographer from the local paper snapped the runners as they sprinted from the finish line.

That's me (Number 156) handsome devil that I am, obviously fixing myself (why else would the hand be in the pocket?) so there was no man-soreness at the end of the three mile run.

I am proud that I ran a race and I am glad I ran it with my son, who is also in the picture.

Here it is:

Couldn't help myself

I know I haven't blogged in a while but i could not resist this one.

A Canadian judge (eh!) threw out a lawsuit by a British Columbia man who said that his brain was yes, I can't make this up, INVADED by tech companies and the coppers.

A yokel named Jerry Rose filed the lawsuit about one month ago in Canada. Named defendants included Google and Microsoft as well as the Mounties.

These were the evil folks who were "responsible for invading his brain and manipulating his thoughts", The Province newspaper in Vancouver reported.

In addition to the monetary damages, the lawsuit demanded a red 2007 Ferrari, a black 2009 Lamborghini, two 2008 V-Rod Harley Davidson motorcycles, two 2008 Honda dirt bikes and a 2009 black Dodge pickup truck, the report said.

But here is the part that gets me -

The judge initially refused to dismiss the case.

WHAT?!!!!??!?!!!

Could it be in this day and age that there is a judge out there who believes in brain invasion???

Why did it take so long to rule that "the allegations were wild speculation and bound to fail"

I am guessing that the judge believed the allegations in the lawsuit until the grand wizard of his local chapter of the National Unity Transmission Society (NUTS) that monitors cell phone usage secretly did not want their secrets getting out.