Thankfully Some Real News!

Bored by Politics?

Worried About the Economy?

Can't Pay the Bills?

Well, here is a news story to take your mind of all of your worries.

It's a crime story to end all crime stories.

And what was the evil perp's excuse?

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

PETA: Off the Deep End -- AGAIN!

It's been a while since I have blogged (primarily because the new fall season has started) but I feel that I must post after reading the latest insanity from PETA.

Evidently, PETA wants Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream to stop using cow milk in its ice cream.

What???? No milk in Ice Cream???????

No, there will be milk in ice cream.

BREAST milk.

How sick is that?

Evidently, these retards at PETA want all of us to figuratively suck on the teat.

Mmmm...all because a Swiss restaurateur has decided that he is going to serve breast milk from nursing mothers.

This is supposed to lessen the suffering of cows from the milking process, but let me ask you this: Isn't a teat a teat? I mean, one teat is considerably larger than the other teat and you don't have to worry with whom the larger teat has slept.

In all seriousness, the folks from PETA have finally gone off the deep end. All I need is some crack ho donating her milk to Ben & Jerry's. I'll come down with a mystery disease and even Dr. House, MD will not be able to figure out it was from my nightly dose of Ben & Jerry's.

And what would we call the flavors???

Double Vanilla Chunks?
Titty Garcia?
Chubby Boobies?
Chocolate Peanut Breast Swirl?

Well, PETA is right about one thing:

The Breast IS Best.

The AIG Collapse: HANK's Letter to BOB

Sorry for the delay.

I am Glad summer Is Over OUCH!

What We Knew All Along

Rosenbergs' sons admit father was spy

NEW YORK (AP) -- After years of professing their parents' innocence, the sons of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are acknowledging that their father was a spy.

The about-face came after their father's co-defendant, Morton Sobell, admitted for the first time that he and Julius Rosenberg stole nonatomic military and industrial secrets for the Soviet Union.

The Rosenbergs were executed in 1953 for passing atomic secrets to the Soviet Union. Since then, decoded Soviet cables have appeared to confirm that Julius was a spy, but doubts have remained about Ethel's involvement.

Read the whole story here courtesy of CNN

Why Willumstad was fired from AIG

Part One - Check out this email to employees.

I referenced this earlier. This is the "Press Ahead" email.

Coming Tomorrow: Hank Greenberg's F*** You letter to Willumstad

Quote of The Year: R. Kelly

"I can't keep answering these questions. If you was charged with something and you was found innocent, then you can't be found guilty for being found innocent."

AIG: The Strength To Be There.

HEE HEE.

Kinda Funny, huh?

AIG Update: The Update of Updates

AIG has avoided certain death for now.

The Wall Street Journal has a great article that outlines the bailout of AIG.

For $85 billion the government gets an 80% equity stake in the insurer and Robert Willumstad, bozo number 2, has been ousted as CEO and replaced by Robert Liddy who was CEO of Allstate.

This schmuck, Willumstad, sat quietly and fiddled while Rome burned.

As the meltdown continued Monday into Tuesday there was not a word from Willumstad - aside from a weak pansy - ass memo sent to employees which I will get my hands on and post here.

Something like "press ahead" or inspiring words to that effect.

Remember the end of Animal House when Chip Diller cries out "Remain Calm. All is well."

Remember what happened to him?

Picture Willumstad flattened on the sidewalk with only his head above ground, blinking in a stunned manner.

The Lady Doth Protest Too Much

Sarah Palin (pictured above) has - without using the words - decided that there is a "vast LEFT wing conspiracy" against her.

Rather than make us believe that she actually did nothing wrong in TrooperGate and agreeing to cooperate fully to clear her name and prove her righteousness, she has engaged in behavior that can be called "Nixonian" in scope.

She's done nothing wrong and the whole probe is "tainted".

Maybe it is, but if so, Sarah Palin (pictured above), why not clear your name.

Even Nixon had his "Checkers" speech.

What do you have?

NOTHING!

You Gotta Love the Pope

Pope Benedict the Umpteenth, the most powerful religious leader in the world and in charge of the richest religious institution ever, has proclaimed that he condemns the "love of money and power."

Does anyone tell him to play the words in his head before he speaks?

Well, we all knew Sarah Palin was a (Good-Looking) Lyin' sack of Shit.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/13/palin.iraq/index.html

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2008/09/14/for_palin_political_issues_still_unresolved_in_alaska/

http://www.suntimes.com/news/elections/1162811,ebertpalin091408.article

AIG Update 9-14-08

I am not writing anything today.

You can read about it in the papers or on the 'net.

A personal appeal to my friends at this once venerable institution:

GET OUT

Fly The Friendly Skies? Not Anymore.

"Hi. I'm Barbara. Fly me."

"Hi. I'm Louise. Fly Me."

"Hi. I'm Ralph. Fly Me."

That was the tagline from a highly successful United Airlines television spot.

Well, it shows you how things have changed.

The flight attendants are no longer total biscuits, looking more like they eat lots of biscuits, and now it is no longer the friendly skies.

With the new wi-fi available on planes, flight attendants want filters so that patrons cannot look at porn.

We might as well say good bye too the Mile High Club as we know it.

McCain: An OLD dog.

Please check out the Republican Presidential candidate repeatedly checking out his HOT young inexperienced Running Mate's ass;



Can't teach an old dog new tricks, can you?

AIG Update 9-11-08

From Reuters:

NEW YORK - Fears that American International Group Inc's large mortgage exposure could trigger another round of losses has rankled investors so much that the insurer has lost its iron grip as the world's industry leader by market value.

AIG's shares have tumbled more than 70 percent over the past year. Including steep declines this week, AIG's valuation has fallen to about $47 billion from roughly $175 billion a year ago, leaving it trailing such companies as AXA SA , with a market value of about $65 billion, according to Reuters data.

AIG started the week with a market value in excess of $60 billion.

The rest of the article is here for free!

9/11

I was there.

I don't want to talk about it.

My thoughts go out to all who were affected by this terrible act of cowardice.

These colors don't run

Happy Birthday Mickey Hart

The drummer for the Grateful Dead is 65 today. How is it possible that he gets older and I do not.

"The adventure of composition is a mystery. The muse has her ways, she hides from you, comes for you in the middle of the night, at midday, at dawn. You must believe wholeheartedly in this divine power. Its an elusive gift that can appear at any time, anywhere. Artists are in awe of it." Mickey Hart (Drummer, The Grateful Dead b. 1943)

AIG Update 9-10-08

Closed at $17.50 down another 4.5%

Down another $0.13 in after hours trading.

Serves them right!

Let's look at the performance chart for the past year. Sort of looks like the approach to Mount Everest.



Warren Buffett - come on in and buy these guys.

R.I.P. Coney Island Date of Death 9-7-08

I remember the halcyon days of my youth when seven or eight times every summer my father and I would head out to Coney Island.

Why?

Well, my grandmother lived there and we would visit her every week.

But that didn't mean we couldn't have fun.

And one of those things that we did to have fun was go to Astroland.

Astroland.

The very name of it makes me shiver with joy. Anchored by the parachute jump on the West and the inimitable Cyclone rollercoaster on the right, Astroland was a space themed amusement park with bumper cars, a fun house and a bunch of other rides that were just the absolutely cheesiest, yet the most fun a kid could have without going to jail.

The Pirate Ship, The Spinning Tea Cups (who didn't puke spinning on those!!!!!!) the Tilt A Whirl, the Amazing Ferris Wheel and the Carousel were all of my favorites as a kid. Let's not forget the "Games of Skill and Chance" that were hawked by carnies and while I was too young to play them Dad was one of the suckers that took a chance that he could hit down three lead milk bottles with a whiffle ball (for the record, it CANNOT be done).

And now it's all coming to an end.

Sure, The New York Mets have their Class-A Baseball team, The Brooklyn Cyclones, playing in nearby Keyspan Park right near the now defunct Parachute Jump (or as my friend Joe calls it, "The Water Tower").(pic: The Water Tower)

Sure, the New York Aquarium - the best I have been to - remains.

Sure, Nathan's Famous is there (and that is a hoot of a place to be when the Hot Dog Eating Contest is held on July 4th).

But Coney Island died for me this past Sunday, September 7, 2008.

Astroland shut its doors for the last time.

The daughter of the founder decided to close when real estate developer missed a deadline on a deal for negotiating a new lease. Carol Albert said she wanted a two year lease to protect her 300 employees through the summer of 2010.

A Thor spokesman weakly said the Company is:

"extremely disappointed that Carol Albert has decided to give up on the future of Coney Island when her current lease isn't even up for a number of months."

Seems like a weak excuse since Thor is building a $1,500,000,000 complex. The mission statement of Thor is:

“Thor Equities is invigorated by the pulse and vibrancy of major urban environments. We match this tenacity by pairing the right properties and the right investors to maximize results with solid planning and execution.” – Joseph J. Sitt, Chairman and CEO

One thing Coney Island was never short of was pulse and vibrancy. It also had grime, but with the way Rudy Guiliani cleaned up the rest of New York City, Coney Island was like a museum, a throwback to the sixties and seventies. I brought my kids here many, many times over the years and they enjoyed it as much as I did. We had lots of fun.

And now it's all gone.

I'll Take These Pics Down When MAD MAgazine sends me a cease and desist letter

MAD Magazine is the Best Ever. These Pics are three reasons why.

Subscribe here.

Doesn't Anyone Listen To Me??????

On September 1, 2008 I railed against our personal information being sent into outer space for fear of use by aliens.

Now comes word that Stephen Colbert's DNA is being sent into space and will be housed at the International Space Station.

When a race of large grinning fools destroys civilization as we know it I am going to say "I Told You So."

Palin: Pray Away The Gay (Sarah GayLin???)

Hallelujah!

Just when you think that John McCain has done the out-of-the-box thinking by picking Sarah Palin, you find out stuff that proves that she's just Rush Limbaugh with Tits.

The Wasilla Bible Church has started a program called "Pray Away The Gay".

The McCain campaign seems to be Going Down faster than ...uh...well...uh...the Titanic.

Yeah, that's it.

McCain: The Gaffe that Keeps On Giving.

Oh, this is one of my favorites. presidential Hopeful John McCain was giving his nominatory acceptance speech when the backdrop image was a pleasant looking school.

Why would there be a school in the background?

Well, it seems that Mr. McCain was trying to draw an image of Walter Reed medical Center, the site of the very embarrassing scandal in 2007 that showed that the army hospital was in horrible disrepair.

Someone from his campaign mistook Walter Reed Middle School for the medical center.

This is a strong example of the miscues that can arise on Live Television. The McCain campaign did not immediately respond to questions to find out why the school was used. In other words, they wanted time to cover up the mistake.

The school's response:

"It has been brought to the school's attention that a picture of the front of our school, Walter Reed Middle School, was used as a backdrop at the Republican National Convention," middle school Principal Donna Tobin said.

"Permission to use the front of our school for the Republican National Convention was not given by our school nor is the use of our school's picture an endorsement of any political party or view."

At least we know it wasn't McCain, who admittedly looked better against the school's green background than the hospital's gray one, since McCain does not even know how to turn on the computer.

But what if he picked it....Qualified to be commander in chief???

I think not.

update:

Click on this for a take on the story from an alumni of the middle school

Occupation Specific Jokes

I found an article in the Wall Street Journal and sent it to my friend Gumby. he has a thing for the Large Hadron Collider and this article dealt with the physicists who hired a stand up comic to teach them stand up comedy.

I thought it was amusing. My favorite joke was "Do my bosons give you a hadron?"

Gumby in his blog thought otherwise.

But it does give rise to the age-old question: Do occupation specific jokes really work?

I am going to have to say NO, based upon Steve Martin's Plumber joke.

So, I hear we have some plumbers in the house tonight - big plumbing convention in town this week - so I thought I'd make a special joke, just for you, the plumbers, so here we go.

If you're not a plumber, please sit tight, laugh along anyway, the joke is hilarious even if you don't get it. Because you're not a plumber. But if you ARE a plumber, you'll love it.

So, here we go. Big plumbing joke.

So, these two guys are working on a golf course reticulation system and the first guy says to his buddy 'George, I can't get this flange backed off.' Well, old George looks over and says 'Jeez Pete, you need to use a 3/4" gangly wrench on a Hobson spigot'. Pete says 'I am, pass me yours, maybe mine's broken'. So George... George passes his tool across .. and then Pete says 'GANGLY wrench? I thought you said DANDY wrench!!'..

I think Gumby may be on to something

From the Associated Press

ST. PAUL, Minn. - John McCain’s campaign on Wednesday angrily called for an end to questions about its review of Sarah Palin’s background, deriding a “faux media scandal designed to destroy the first female Republican nominee” for vice president.

“This nonsense is over,” declared senior campaign adviser Steve Schmidt in a written statement.

The statement stood out for its admission that Palin is under siege — it condemns “this vetting controversy” — and for its attempt to blunt questions about how rigorously McCain and his campaign explored the background of a candidate who may get the nation’s second most powerful job. It also suggested that Palin is a victim of gender bias in the media.

Yet the McCain campaign doesn't mention it's own faux media scandal designed to destroy the first African American presidential candidate from any party.

It would be funny if it weren't obvious that McCain has played the race card by not denouncing Jerome Corsi's vile book "Obama Nation."

Th old white guy lost my vote.

"In A World Not of Tomorrow But of Today"

We mourn the loss of Don LaFontaine.

This is the one guy whose name you might not know but whose voice is stuck indelibly in your mind.

Don LaFontaine whose looks might not have been known to you either recently starred in a Geico commercial being one of those celebrities who told real; person's stories in their own voices.

He was no peter Frampton, nor was he a Verne Troyer, nor was he a Peter Graves or Little Richard but he was as known to us as some of our friends.

He was the guy in the previews in the movies who started off "In a world of tomorrow" or some such phraseology.

He was the undisputed master of his art and he died Monday at the age of 68 years old.

Don, you will be missed. Movie Trailers will not be the same.

Now, Here is A Reason To Keep Oil Prices High

FROM THE "CELEBRITIES ARE MORONS" DEPARTMENT:

Woe is Sean Combs.

The recession must have hit this idiot really hard. As reported on CNN.com, P. Silly has requested his Saudi Arabian brothers to give him oil for free so he can fly his personal jet.

Evidently, flying commercial is taking an emotional toll on him.

The story quoted Dim Witty as saying:

"I'm actually flying commercial," Diddy said before walking onto an airplane, sitting in a first-class seat and flashing his boarding pass to the camera. "That's how high gas prices are. I'm at the gate right now. This is really happening, proof gas prices are too high. Tell whoever the next president is we need to bring gas prices down."

Here is the video. He is a moron. Joking or Not, he is a moron.

from the "Fly Me To The Moon" Department

I don’t wish to copy my friend Gumby’s posts so I’ll give this post a new spin.

In 2009 the Keplar mission will take off. It is a quest by NASA to find other earth-sized planets in other solar systems. You can read about it here. It is not my intent to belabor this grand program, what some would call a grand waste of money.

Now, Gumby told me that you could post your name which will be included on a DVD that is put into space.

So I did it and I got this nifty certificate:

But you ought to be careful. There are an awful lot of people who are putting their real names on these certificates.

Why the hell would they do that?

Gone are the days of ET and Starman. Lately we have been attacked by Slim Whitman hating Martians or just downright evil aliens who have blown up the Empire State Building and The White House and half of Los Angeles with their ultimate weapons. Oh, there are many other evil aliens out there.

Why would you even think of giving your name to an alien? Does the phrase "Tempting The Fates" mean anything to you? Do you think that we are the only people in the world? Are you really looking to invite these aliens here?

Doesn't the past mean anything to you?

Why man, why?

Even if you don’t put in your state and region as indicated on the form, don’t you think that aliens who have the ability to fly from different planets (clothes-less, I might add) know about Google or anywho.com and have the ability to look it up.

For those of you who have already put your name in, move.

For the rest of you, keep your identities secret.

Sometimes identity theft is not the biggest reason to protect your identity.

Sometimes, it’s just aliens.